"No More Holding Back" excerpt
Today we are thrilled to share an excerpt from Kat Armstrong’s upcoming book “No More Holding Back,” available July 9th.
A young woman tearfully confided that the StrengthsFinder test had told her she was (ominous music please) an activator. Why was she so devastated by the discovery that she was a catalyst for change, a mover and shaker, a get-things-done kind of gal? Because in her mind, to be an activator was to take initiative, and if she took initiative, she wasn’t good at being submissive, which would make her a bad wife. Her strengths felt like weaknesses to her, because for far too long she’d been taught that a strong woman could destroy a marriage relationship.
My best friend, Sarah, considered turning down the directorship of her church’s young singles’ class because congregants referred to it as “the kiss of death. If she stepped up as a leader, would a man ever feel like he could date her?
A college sophomore and I sat in a cafe as she told me about her boyfriend of the past three weeks. He wanted to know how she saw her role in marriage and for her to practice submission to him immediately, before becoming exclusive, as practice for the future.
I could tell dozens more stories like this, all of which a newspaper could record under the headline “Woman Told She Is Too Much To Handle.” These stories reveal a terrible lie that many men and women believe—that strength and humility conflict. But the opposite is true. The stronger a woman is in her faith and sense of self, the greater joy she is to be around and the more flourishing she brings about in the lives of those around her—men and women alike.
The thought of being too much to handle (or too strong, or too oriented toward leadership, or too capable) to be desirable can be paralyzing. Women far too often feel trapped in their own lives as they assess what they seem made to do and then consider who the church or the world says they should be. And oftentimes, people misinterpret the Bible and make it say things about what women should be like that it doesn’t actually say.
So, what does the Bible really say?
It says that Deborah, a prophetess, judge, and wife, was chosen by God to lead.
It says that a woman of valor works hard and develops her marketable skills.
It says that women disciples funded the ministry of Jesus.
The Bible never, ever tells women that they need to shirk their gifts, callings, personalities, dispositions, or wirings for the sake of attracting a partner or making themselves less overwhelming to others. Are women called to love, to display kindness, and to pursue humility? Absolutely. So are men. And, as it turns out, those callings pair up quite nicely with a woman committed to giving her full energy to that which God has intended for her to do, bidding farewell to the lie that she is too much to handle, and embracing the truth that she is exactly who God made her to be.
