Book Review: “The In-Between Place”
A couple months ago, author and friend of Rise, Kat Armstrong asked if we would be interested in reviewing her upcoming book, The In-Between Place: Where Jesus Changes Your Story, on the Rise blog. We’ve had authors write pieces for us and hosted excerpts of their books, but we’ve never done a dedicated review before!
First, some context: as described by the publisher, in The In-Between Place, “Kat Armstrong discusses the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, who was in an “in-between place” struggling because of her previous relationships and cast aside because of them, showing we can make peace with our past, how to find hope in the present, and step confidently into our future.” Kat writes in the introduction, "When we feel overlooked and forgotten, when we can't find answers, when we don't understand how we got here, when life doesn't make sense, when we don't know who we are anymore, when the best we can do is turn off the lights, crawl into bed, and hope we don’t wake up tomorrow, that's when we need Jesus to redeem our in-between places."
I really appreciated the first part of the book, “Make Peace With Your Past”. In the very first chapter, Kat says, “Being stuck is normal because you are not a robot. You are a human. Part of being human is living through unwanted and unexpected change, wading through confusion, and persevering through seasons you wish were much shorter.” I think we all know this, especially after 2020, but there’s something deeply comforting about reading it, seeing it in someone else’s words. And I think that everyone who’s ever wrestled with doubt and their faith wishes that someone had told them, “It takes practice to believe what we know is true.” The second chapter’s title, “Even Crappy Places Can Be Redeemed”, is one of those truths that takes some practice to believe.
In the first chapter, Kat establishes that Sychar, the Samaritan town where Jesus meets the woman at the well, is the same town as Shechem in the Old Testament, which is a connection I hadn’t made. The summary of all of the abuses that take place in Shechem throughout the Hebrew scriptures is nothing less than horrifying. But it reveals some interesting and pointed parallels and contrasts between the story of the rape of Dinah in Genesis 34 and the woman at the well. In chapter 3, Kat also points out that the setup of the story, a Jewish man and a foreign woman at a well, would have instantly reminded Jewish listeners/readers of John’s gospel of the stories of Isaac’s servant and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, and Moses and Zipporah. John alludes to those stories and then subverts the expectations - Jesus asks for a drink, but he’s there to offer true life, not marriage.
One thing I like about how the book is structured is that at the end of each of the three parts, there’s a single paragraph summary of each chapter. The summary for Ch 3 says, “Jesus is not done with you yet.” which, for me, is another one of those truths that takes some practice to believe. I’m still practicing it.
I struggled with the second part of the book, not because I think Kat’s necessarily wrong, but because I think it reveals some of her blind spots and maybe some of the limitations of the circles she moves in. I think my most substantive critique of the book is that, while I appreciate the personal stories that Kat shares and I’m grateful for her willingness to be vulnerable with them, I think the book would have benefitted from others’ stories of in-between, stuck places. Particularly because the woman at the well didn’t check any of the privilege boxes of first century Palestine, stories from women who don’t check all the privilege boxes that Kat does, as a white, married mom with a successful career and a senior pastor husband, would have been helpful.
Chapter 4 is about safe people we can trust with our stories and I was particularly struck by how fortunate Kat is to have had several friends and mentors who were and, unless I’m misreading the chapter, continue to be safe people. At one point, she writes, “I know that names and faces are popping into your head of the friends who make you feel the most loved.” [emphasis mine] I couldn’t help thinking of the many women I know who, over the course of the last five years and especially in 2020, have lost many (or all) of their safe people and of those who have struggled to find any safe people to trust with their whole selves. I wish there had been more nuance here to acknowledge those women.
I appreciated Chapter 5, which is about belonging, particularly women’s belonging in the Church, despite millennia of misogynistic teaching that has harmed women and influenced how scripture has been translated, read, and interpreted. I’m grateful to Kat for her bravery in calling out not only the early Church Fathers, like Tertullian and Augustine, but also the contemporary influential men - Piper, Driscoll, and MacArthur - whose words have done great damage. I deeply wish that asserting the belonging of women in every part of the Church, up to and including leadership, weren’t controversial or likely to be met with derision, so I'm grateful that Kat dedicated a chapter to stating it so clearly and simply.
I think my issues with Chapter 6, “Stop Showing Up For Yourself”, are less with what Kat is saying and more with how she’s saying it. And I’m not trying to be the tone police here. I think she and I have fundamentally different understandings of what the phrase “show up for yourself” means, which also reflects a substantial difference in the church circles we move in. In Kat’s circles, it seems “that most will read suggestions to “show up for yourself” and then try to dig a well for themselves, like the people Jeremiah chastised.” Ie, they will rely on their own efforts and self-sufficiency rather than on Jesus. And I agree, that’s definitely problematic. But this paragraph wrap up the main part of the chapter:
How do we stop showing up for ourselves? One way is by admitting our weakness to trusted friends, or asking our spiritual mentors for guidance and prayer. We could schedule time with a spiritual director or book an appointment with a licensed professional counselor. We could email our small group and list a few things we could use some help with. We could finally cave and hire a housekeeper to come and help when we need it most. We could tell someone who asks how we are doing the nuanced, complicated truth. Probably one of the most powerful ways we could let God be our living water is to ask him to be our main source of encouragement and strength.
I was utterly baffled and had to reread the beginning several times to make sure I was reading it correctly. Because for most of my friends, these are the exact ways that they are showing up for themselves. After facing misogyny and sexism; dismissal of their very real mental health, spiritual, and emotional needs; or overwhelming pressure to do it all themselves; for most of the women I know, “showing up for themselves” means prioritizing their health and asking for help when they need it. It means ensuring that they are not running on empty so they have the capacity to give to their friends, families, churches, and larger communities. It’s not at all about self-reliance or a denial of their deep need for Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Overall, the final section of the book is much stronger. My favourite quote from Chapter 7 is “Apparently, self-suffiency’s cousin is self-deception.” That is a word. I appreciate the emphasis on our need for God and for healthy, supportive community. The extended takedown of the idea that the woman at the well was a [insert term of choice for a wicked, immoral, sexually promiscuous woman] was very welcome. Women in first century Palestine were utterly dependent on a man (father, brother, husband, son) to take care of them. They could not initiate a divorce. After losing five husbands (hello, ancient mortality rate, when an illness or injury considered minor by today’s standards could easily kill you), the woman at the well was simply doing what she had to do to stay alive. It’s ahistorical and misogynistic to assert otherwise. I also really liked the section where Kat asks if our survival skills - which we developed to stay alive during hard and/or traumatic seasons, but can become unhealthy and harmful when we continue to rely on them outside those circumstances - are still serving us well.
Chapter 8’s emphasis on the value of biblical literacy and theological education for women, the importance of diving deep in our faith and asking the hard questions falls into the aforementioned category of things I wish we didn’t keep having to state explicitly. All Christians are called to be disciples - students - of Christ; of course we should learn and study. It breaks my heart that so many women have been told otherwise or shamed for their desire to pursue any level of theological study. As Kat says, “Ask anyway. Raise your hand… We might not discover all the answers we’re looking for, but our doubts will lessen as our capacity to accept mystery increases.” Also, I very much want to learn more about Henrietta Mears, the woman who basically created Sunday school as we know it and was a formative influence on the major evangelists of the 20th century.
Chapter 9 is an extended comparison between the woman at the well and Moses and the burning bush. I probably wouldn’t have put the two stories side-by-side on my own, so I was intrigued by the parallels Kat draws. My biggest takeaway from this chapter is that it’s God’s very withness that enables us to move forward from our stuck, in-between places. We are not alone, and when we let go of the things we’re holding onto that are actually holding us back, we’re able to move forward with God.
Chapter 10 zooms out, looking at not just the woman at the well, but also at two other women that John highlights in his gospel: Martha of Bethany (John 11) and Mary Magdalene (John 20). I love Mary Magdalene, so it’s not surprising that I really enjoyed this part, but my favourite quote from the chapter is actually from the section about Martha. “...failing a spiritual test and learning the hard way don’t sideline you. It could be exactly what you had to go through to build up your faith.” Too often, we’re taught the opposite and it can be crushing. The great cloud of witnesses is filled with people who didn’t get it right the first time and I’m deeply grateful for the biblical stories that reinforce that. If we wait to move into what God is calling us to until we feel like we’ve got it all together, we’ll never actually move. And while God is absolutely with us in the in-between places, he doesn’t leave us there forever.
So there you have it, my attempt to review The In-Between Place by Kat Armstrong. Overall, I liked it and I think a lot of women will find it very helpful. Like the wilderness, the in-between place is something we’ve been taught to fear, dread, and avoid if at all possible. But, it’s where, stripped of our illusions and coping mechanisms, we can meet God is a new way, maybe in the way that we’ve most desperately needed all along.
